In The Laboratory For Letting Go

In The Laboratory For Letting Go

I cannot do this anymore.
To me, to you.
Our tongues move like clockwork,
Following the old paths of arguments past, injustices grooved into the road by
wounded tires that never seem to wear
off those damn treads
Words are the same, even if spelled backwards

There is nothing more to do here.

No loss could feel greater than this shame I carry -
In blaming you, I shame myself
I create suffering where once there was fresh oxygen to breathe

I do not own your heart; I never did
My peace cannot be your peace

In this laboratory of dreams, all hypotheses are true.
This loss is the greatest strength you can bear.  Lean into it.
Let it go.  The data
was always there -
Discovery accomplished.
Procedure complete.

Put the test subjects back on the shelf.
Time to write your research notes.

In the Hallway of Everyone

In the Hallway of Everyone

In the Hallway of Everyone
there is a compass that turns
Left by Day Right by Night
in the Hallway of Everyone, everyone is no one and no one is Everyone
Over and over Again, mirrors line up and point to
Infinity. This is who you ever were and will be again.

There is nothing more to be done here.

It Was Beautiful, Then (#latervision)

It was beautiful / It is beautiful

Time eventually gave up
and slipped away
Our skin grew light and transparent, dissolving
Two beings intertwined energetically
No backwards no forwards
Just.

Being.  With you,
I felt drunk, intoxicated
Yet I was 20 days sober,
and with that clarity rang an all-knowing vision, intuition
Our past, our future - lives lined up like books on a shelf -
We knew the words of the stories, without reading a damn thing

"But I love to read!  That's my thing!" I say, and
We both laugh
I let my head fall back and my hair sway as I hold my arms
Together around your neck, safe and secure in the perch of your lap

It is beautiful.  This. Is.

And I am happy.
And I am grateful.

And I am healing,
And I am almost
Ready.

So You Will Have Faith In Me

so you will have faith in me

so you have faith in me

i will wear my battle scars as beauty marks

i will kiss every enemy good night on the forehead

i will clean my house with intention, clarify with wisdom and sage

i will bend in the places that are frozen, open to feel the wounds of cracked bones and torn flesh

i will love suffering and treat her as a child that needs to be held, 

cared for, as i was

never

safely held, 

Until you, 

Returned.